Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
