I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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