remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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