Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
