remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
