Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
