The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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