we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
