Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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