You're my little dorito
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
