so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
