This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
