Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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