my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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