he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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