How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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