great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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