i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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