IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"