hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
