Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
