She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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