The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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