After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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