i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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