I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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