My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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