and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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