girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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