life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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