Cold hands, warm shart.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
