apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
