He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
