I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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