You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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