Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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