rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
