It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
