hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
