Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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