Where is the hickey?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
