i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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