there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
