We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
