3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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