We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
