I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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