I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
