She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the day after is always just damage control
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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