Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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