there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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