I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
