If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think my moral compass just broke
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