i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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