and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
