what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
