He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
