I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
