did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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