Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
