So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
