I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
